Monday, April 4, 2011

Questions from Nogales.....

First off I apologize for the delay in posting these questions.... There were 424 surveys in total and I had some work to do with them for this last Kaity's Korner issue.... There were also quite a few questions to answer.... Thanks goes out to the Students and Administrators of Nogales High School for their hospitality and completing these surveys.... Why did Kaity go back with him? It was because she cared about him and did not want him to hurt himself. She also seemed to believe that she could make things better for him. What Kaity didn’t understand is that it was up to Daniel to make things better for himself, not her. What do you feel when you tell this story to others and How does it feel like t tell your story to other people? Sadness mostly, but when I have the time to explain the fun her and I had together I feel her with me and that is comforting. How old was she? 17 Did he ever hit her? Not that we know of for sure, but Mooki, her younger sister reported seeing bruises on Kaity’s back. When we asked Kaity’s about them they just said she didn’t know how she got them. Also, after they had broken up, when she tried to return the presents he had bought her to him, there was an altercation where he was pulling her hair. That Kaity did tell me directly, so he did get physical with her. How can someone cope with the loss of a daughter? It is not easy. There were times when I just wanted to literally curl up and die. Also, for a long time it felt like a really bad nightmare that you can’t seem to wake up from. Believe it or not Kaity’s Way is helpful in dealing with the loss. It is very therapeutic for me to be able to talk about her. Has it gotten any easier? I cannot honestly say that it has. This last year was 3 years and it felt like it had just happened. The saying, Time heals all wounds, does not apply to losing a child. Why didn’t you put a restraining order on the boy? We tried, but due to the laws at the time we were not granted a restraining order. All we could get was an Injunction Against Harassment, which we did settle for. We thought something was better than nothing. What other attitudes did you see in the man? If you are speaking of Daniel he was still a minor, 17 years old also. Besides being verbally abusive and burning a bandana on our carport, not much else did we see. Once we banned him from the house we did not see him very often and when we did, we didn’t speak to him. He usually would not look at us. How is it that you are so strong enough to tell this story so many times? My strength comes from my Spiritual Faith. Telling Kaity's Story is very therapeutic for me. I love to talk about her and re-live my memories of what a wonderful person she was. It is also important to me that people to remember her. Sharing her story accomplishes both. Did you ever speak to the parents of the boy? No, not before or after. If the guy threatened your daughter that he was gonna kill her why didn’t you make a report? We did make a report, as a matter of fact the two times he assaulted her, the police were called and took a report, then when he threatened to kill her, we made a report by obtaining an Injunction Against Harassment. Why didn’t you tell the police about the guardian that was in jail? We did not know that his guardian was in jail until after the he killed our daughter. Why did you think it took so long for the police to do something about Kaity? I do not know and would rather not speculate or assume anything. Did Kaity really like Daniel? She believed she loved him. Why couldn’t Kaity’s get the situation? I am not sure what is being asked here. Why would Kaity allow her boyfriend to invade over her sisters privacy, shouldn’t that have been enough to leave him? We don’t know that she allowed it. That is why we encouraged her to leave him, but apparently she forgave him a lot. Why did the judge say no to the order of protection? Because at the time the law stated that you had to be married or formerly married to the abuser, living with or formerly living with the abuser, pregnant by the abuser or blood related. Since they were only dating and she wasn’t pregnant, the situation did not fit the guidelines for an order of protection. Do you regret sending Kaity’s to school? We did not send Kaity to school. We regret the whole day even happened. Are you now more protective with your children? Our children are all adults now, but yes there are times that I may relay certain feelings of caution and concern on to my children when they mention certain issues.

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Teen Dating Violence PSA by the GYC, Kaity's Way and Mesa PS TV99